We have rules galore, we Doms do. We have codes of conduct, accepted means of being addressed, expectations of proper speech and behavior, rigid norms for compliance and consequences for non-compliance. We expect that our submissives adhere to these rules and be respectful of us at all times. But a submissive is not an automaton. She is flesh and blood, and above all, human. She may be submissive but she still has a personality, at least any woman does that I would desire as my Muse.
So it becomes a matter of degree how submissive a submissive is expected to be, and it will be different in every relationship. I think the first time I walked the path of trying to be a dom I tended to be authoritarian and expect complete submission. Anything less, and I felt my sub was being disrespectful and a challenge to my authority. In these first tentative experiences I lacked confidence and my ego was bruised if I were subject to back talk, sarcasm, defiant looks, or just a little passive aggressive behavior seeking to gain the upper hand. Each instance seemed like an affront that had to be met with rapid and stern intervention. I was no dom at all at that point, I was just pretending to be one…trying it on for size. We all start somewhere.
Today I feel much differently. Perhaps it is the passage of years that have worn a groove of comfort into my being, self-confidence gained over a lifetime. Perhaps it is experience and the recognition that I do not have to be all-powerful to be powerful enough. For whatever reason, I now realize that it is just fine to encourage my submissive to be herself and permit her vanilla side to surface now and then, within bounds. She will always test the waters, press a little here and there, see how I may react. And by letting her do so, we have more fun and can in fact be playful and joyful with one another. It is not a challenge to my authority or capability as a Dom. In fact, it is an open invitation to do something about it that gives me the power to decide when, where, and under what circumstances. It is almost a greater form of power; the power of restraint as well as action.
Most of the time I simply accept that this playful and verbal tendency of my sub is just a part of who we are…a most beautiful and joyous part. And sometimes I allow it because it gives me reason, at any point in time to respond and put a stop to it. Indeed it is just a permanent excuse for me to be able to pull her across my knee at any given moment, rub her bottom lecturing about her cheeky and disrespectful ways, turn her ass a rosy shade of pink, and subsequently probe her hot wet folds turning pleas for mercy into pleadings for merciful release.
Perhaps it really is not about growing up or growing wiser after all. Perhaps it is simply a matter of becoming craftier. Age and treachery wins out over youth and enthusiasm every time. Freedom of expression is a wonderful thing, and by allowing my sub the wiggle room to express herself, I am also giving her all the scope she needs to hang herself. In this case the judge, jury and executioner is me, and I can be a most capricious arbiter of justice. Her choice of words, her look or her tone of voice forms the noose, my lap is the gallows, and my hand the executioner. But every now and then the executioner is also the savior turning stinging penance into ecstatic salvation.
So go ahead and take all the latitude you like my Muse, express yourself and test the boundaries to your hearts’ content. You know the consequences as well as I do, you just do not know when they will be prevailed upon you.
So enjoy yourself, I’ll be sure to let you know when you have gone too far.
My cheeky one.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image Credit Unknown